I am six weeks away from the Yuengling Shamrock Marathon in Virginia Beach, VA. March 18, 2012. I have been training now since the beginning of January. I have been sticking to my plan but now that we are six weeks out I am beginning to wonder “Am I doing enough?” I should be peaking in my training pretty soon here or I will miss the window of opportunity to gain the strength and, more important, the endurance that it will take for me to cross the finish line with the time that I desire (which will remain unspoken, so that I don’t add additional pressure to my already maxxed out brain)
I know that I must be confident in all of the work I have put in thus far, but the voice in my head keeps telling me “can you do more?” My answer? “Yes.” I feel like I could do more.
So why don’t I? I don’t because I am afraid of injury or overtraining that would prevent me from racing at all. So many factors go into having a good race that you cannot control. For example weather, tummy issues, headaches, time of the month, how well you slept the night before, and a few others. I accept these things and think that I have trained my body to do a decent job at pushing beyond these obstacles. But, not doing everything you can possibly do to prepare for a race… I have no one to blame but myself and that I would have a tough time getting over.
It seems to be a balancing act, one that I have yet to master.. although that remains to be seen on March 18. I could have the best day of my life or I could wake up and feel horrible that morning. That is the curious thing about the sport of running, it is just like life, there are many things you can not control. I hope I have the grace to be able to accept whatever lay before me that day. I can not say that I am confident that I have done everything I can do to prepare for this race, I am simply not experienced enough a runner to know this.
I can say that I feel strong, stronger than I ever have. I just need to quiet the inner voice that freaks me out, the one who says you have not done enough or you’re not good enough to achieve the time I so hope to accomplish. In the end it really doesn’t matter, because on that day I will give it everything I have. The only obstacle, other than things I cannot control, will be me.