When I was young, I used to be crushed by defeat. I might not have shown it on the outside, but inside it would take me weeks to recover from a failure. I would go into a tailspin and, honestly, I’m not sure if I actually recovered or just tucked those moments away and secretly carried them around for much of my adult life. When I began running, it was for many of the reasons one might think: it was a hour break from my young children, it alleviated the symptoms of post-partum depression, and it helped me fit into my clothing. Then, as my children grew, my depression disappeared and my pant sized dropped; things changed.
I found that I was kind of fast and would often place in the top 10% at races. I began racing because it felt good to receive the attention that comes with doing well in a race. I craved the outside attention, but inside I was still using hateful self talk and punishing myself in the form of agonizing workouts and unrealistic goals. This may sound odd, but making myself hurt made me feel alive. Inwardly, I told myself I needed to be chastised because deep down I felt “not good enough.” Over the last few years, I have slowly evolved as a runner. Not that I don’t enjoy winning my AG or find some satisfaction from being fit, but now running has an entirely different meaning to me than it did when I started.
Running is so humbling. It has taught me to be able to take defeat with style and grace. How to let dark moments go, to leave them in the past and move on. It has taught me about impermanence and that there will be many moments of glory and just as many defeats. I have become comfortable knowing that all things change and with hard work and commitment you can achieve, even without an exact picture of what that achievement looks like. It has taught me not to lie to myself, to tame the voice in head that says I’m better than I really am, for that voice will bring you down on race day if you’ve set your goals to high. You have to be OK with who you are right here and now. It has taught me that what seems like the end of the world is actually an opening of doors for something new to emerge. It has taught me not to hang on to a specific belief, if you don’t have an open mind eventually you will be brought down, crushed, and defeated.
Oftentimes I ask myself “WHY?” “Why do I continue to take part in a sport that is, more times than not, painful, exhausting, even torturous?” The answer is simple: It teaches me who I am and what I’m made of. It is a test of my will, strength, and courage. It teaches me to believe in myself even when others do not.
Running is my identity. I don’t mean a 26.2 sticker, “I’m a Boston Qualifier,” or “I finished an Ultra” type of identity. It is much deeper than that. Running pushes me through the door of human-ness. It brings to the surface every tiny fault and self doubt, every flaw and lie you tell yourself, and throws it in your face. It cultivates honesty within and teaches how to be comfortable with pain. For every wonderful and euphoric moment you have in our sport, there is an equally painful one, so it reminds you not to be attached to either one. You begin to realize that life is no different, it’s also full of ups and downs. Running has been my life manual, my confidant, and my counselor on how to live my life to the fullest.
Each run has a life of it’s own. It traps an intense moment, condensing it into an individual microcosm, and by doing so forces us to experience the best and worst of what the world has to offer. Every time we put feet to ground is a lesson in moving forward one step at a time. With each stride we learn, let go, and push away our limitations to make way for new experiences. Who knows what the future holds? It might be bigger, better, or completely different than you could have ever imagined.
Why do I run? It allows me live life to the fullest. It helps me grow as a person into the best possible version of myself.
Take a step outside and find yourself in running. It is the human race, after all, and who doesn’t want PR?
What lessons has running taught you?
About Lisa
Love this post. You say it so well! Not being able to run right now, I realize just how big of gap there is in my life and how much I depended on that time to focus on me. I will be so glad when I can take to the street again for a long run. I miss it so much.
Great post!
love this Lisa! You never cease to amaze me
xox
I love your line about running pushing you through the door of human-ness. So true. Running has taught me to take chances, be brave, and never fear defeat but just get back up and fight another day. Being a runner is an identity, but the act of running allows me to identify my life’s goals, hopes, and dreams.
You put it so well! I really love this post and love that running has taught/given you so much. I totally relate–running has shown me that there’s nothing I won’t try. I may not always reach my goals, but I will go back to the drawing board again and again because of running. I think we are truly the lucky ones in life because we’ve found something we love and something that makes us more/better.
Seriously loving this post.
OMG how much do I love this? You’ve verbalized this so beautifully. Amen sister!
Such an amazing post. You put feelings that I’ve had in the past into words, and it speaks volumes to others.
Beautiful post. I could relate to every single word. Thanks for writing it!
So very well said! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this with all of us, Lisa. This post is simply amazing. Honest, raw, real. Perhaps the best post I’ve read about running in a long time. I haven’t experienced some of the negative self talk or life experiences you have yet, but I run for the same reason you do: To be the very best version of myself I can be. I too often find myself wondering why I CHOOSE to make life harder by trying to fit in running/training and life and family and other obligations. And I agree with you. “The answer is simple: It teaches me who I am and what I’m made of. It is a test of my will, strength, and courage. It teaches me to believe in myself even when others do not.” Life then doesn’t really become harder, it becomes better. Love these thoughts. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Bon dia, Lisa! I never realized you had a blog until today. So happy I noticed the update on DailyMile. Love this post. I never thought of myself as an actual runner. I took up running at the end of 2010. The only reason I followed through was the fact that I had paid entry to a race at the beginning of the year and it was time to finally train.
Since then, I’ve lost 80 pounds and feel so much better about myself. I now have the courage and confidence to ‘just go for it!’ I’m still not fast nor will I ever be…but I love the feeling of knowing that at 48, my body allows me to run pain free.
Thanks for sharing this great post. I look forward to more of you! Cheers***
Xavier, Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so glad you found my blog and we are able to connect. Runners have a mutual understanding, an invisible rope that bonds us, it does not matter how fast or slow you are, what matter is we all have suffered to some degree or another. I can’t wait to follow your training on DM. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
i could not have said it any better! that’s why you did! Brilliant! and i agree. Confidant, counselor, my inner peace
amazing post. really digs deep into the simple reasons that we run. you hit it spot on! (= thank you
Just pinned that last quote. And I LOVE the thinking about running as our “life manual” – you summarized so well the many things that running has taught me as well… about gaining confidence, accepting failure, pushing past my limits, persevering, chasing goals. Great post, my friend!
Loved this post. It just really hit home with me. Thanks for sharing!
Amazing post! Honestly, I feel like that with weight lifting. I run but lifting is my love & just brings me home to me.
I love this post. Eloquent and real; this hits home for me. You are an inspiration Lisa! xoxo
we are so similar that it sometimes scares me. This is a great post and I’m bookmarking it for when I need a reminder to myself to keep moving forward
Running has taught me patience. You can’t just expect to wake up one day and run a marathon…it’s about having the patience to train, to work through injuries, and respect your body
Clarity. Clarity of the mind
LOVE this!!! Running changed my life as well. I feel so much more confident, plus I met so many amazing people!
love love love this post Lisa. And this –> “Running pushes me through the door of human-ness.” Perfectly stated. xoxo
I am just blown away by this post. So much of it rings true for me. And, what amazes me most is how running brings so many of us the clarity in life that we need. Thanks for sharing <3
Right on, sister! I too have to be careful that running is not a form of self-punishment but rather a path to personal discovery. I am SLOWLY learning to let some of my unrealistic goals go an enjoy the run just because it makes me happy.
Also, we need to run long before Boston! I am up to 18 miles (not fast!).
I really enjoyed this honest post, Lisa. Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of people can relate to what you were saying, whether positively or negatively, and it proves we’re not alone. I can definitely get down on myself sometimes, but my running has proven to me that I’m capable of more than I ever thought. I used to not be able to run up the street without getting winded. Now I can run 5 miles. It’s all possible, you just need to see the strength within yourself.
This is such a beautiful post and every bit of it resonates with me! Running started as a form of exercise for me and it has evolved into something so much bigger. Something life-changing and beautiful. Some people would probably scoff at that, but it’s true! Running has changed my life. It has taught me so much about ME. It has given me strength, it has shown me how resilient I can be, and it has pushed me to my limits. Running is also a tool for me to clear my head, work through my thoughts, and process my fears, dreams and day-to-day issues. I don’t even know who I’d be without running. I honestly think I would be very different than I am today.
You are a beautiful writer.
Wow. Just love this. I need to go back and read it again! I can relate to so, so much of what you have so beautifully written here.
Love the website overhaul!!
Running is not my everything, and I don’t wish it to be. But it has taught me many lessons: Discipline, endurance & planning pay off; That freedom can be found in a simple motion, repeated many times over; How to be resilient, finding joy in the little victories, letting things go; That anything of value takes a lot of WORK. And, perhaps most important, we need to take chances. Without risk, there is no reward.
Thanks for stopping by my blog! Had a good laugh at your comment
Wow, absolutely love this post. Wonderfully put! I always say that running makes me feel truly alive.
This is great! I love the last quote so much, it really resonates with me right now, as I’m not exactly running at the moment, but of course I’m trying
I just went out for my first run/walk the other day since I had surgery 1 week ago, and it helped me cope with life and the pain that has come to us in the past month or so. I felt like I could do anything after that run, and I know that running is going to pull me through just about anything 
Thanks for making my day!
I love this. So much. Especially this: “You have to be OK with who you are right here and now.”
I’m not fast. In fact, I’m kind of slow…especially now after not running for so long. I get frustrated and feel as though I’ve let myself down, but I’ve rested for good reason. I didn’t want to train for anything this year while suffering from an issue with my piriformis. I’ve started running again, and it’s been humbling. My endurance has suffered tremendously, but I’ll get back up there. I just need to be okay with who I am right now: a beginner again. lol
I’ve written numerous posts on why running has saved my life and how I’ve evolved as a runner – not just physically, but as a woman. You’re an incredible woman to follow, Lisa. <3
Morning LuLuMel, Try to be gentle with yourself, avoid using labels such as “Beginner” you’re body is starting over, but your spirit is an experienced warrior. Gently sweep away the voice that says “beginner” and replace it it with “warrior” try defeating the the “dark wizard”, that voice that says “I’m less than” tell yourself, “it’s those negative words are not welcome in your head”. Now it sounds like I’m telling you what to do, but in reality, I struggle with the same issues.. we are in this together. Wish we could go for walk and discuss, I hate communicating via comment thread, ah! there’s that dark wizard! I am grateful to have crossed paths with you.
Very well said! I was just thinking of putting a post together of why I run because it’s a question that gets asked over and over again. I have so many reasons why and some I can’t even put into a word. It’s just a feeling! Running has definitely opened up a whole other side of me that I never knew existed. I want to learn more about that side of me so that’s why I keep running. Thanks for writing the manual!
I have been running for 2 years and embracing my running journey!!! Just love your blog. You blog is a totally inspiration!!!
I truly believe that running has made me a better person. I feel better mentally and physically. I’m eating better, and I have the energy and motivation to carry me throughout the day and still hit a solid 4, 8 or 10 miles (depending on the day).
It’s made me more disciplined. Some days I don’t want to run, but I always feel good once I’m out there. And that discipline has carried on into other areas of my life. And that’s totally a good thing.
The more I run, the stronger I become. Not just physically, but in life. At least, that’s how I see it.
Great post! I found you via the running bun!
Thank you Danielle! I love Running Bun!
Wow, this one hits deep. Great post Lisa, and thank you for your honesty. I can definitely relate to feeling more alive when hurting, and the need to work out of it and enjoy the highs of running in a different way.
Hey there,
I cannot tell you how much I adored this post, and how much it resonated with me!
It really places a new perspective on running, and how it makes you a stronger, more determined, better person- it allows you to constantly be pushing yourself to achieve something extra, and to be proud of yourself for that.
I’m a relatively new runner, and my next goal is to run a half-marathon. This post gives me that extra motivation and inspiration to chase after my goals, and know that running is such an amazing, empowering sport!
Thanks for the amazing post,
Kloe xx
Kloe,
You just made my day! Thank you for your kind words. This blog is a bit like my diary, so when I hear that I have in some small way inspired another runner, it makes all the work worthwhile. Thank you so much, I can’t wait to hear all about your journey to the half marathon! -Lisa