Life is so much like running. No matter how many years you’ve been doing it, or how fast you are, there will come a point in a race when it hurts; and when it does, no one can take the steps for you, you must look within for strength and courage. How many times must I hurt before I realize this?
Looking to someone else for your happiness will suck the life out of both of you. Lately, I’ve been doing quite a bit of this. Generally speaking, I am a happy person, but every now and then (even at 45 years old) I fall into the trap of thinking that others are the source of my happiness. When this happens, those people naturally retreat, leaving me feeling rejected and perpetuating my unhappiness. I have been going deeper into this dark place, but this is a good thing, because I’m tired of being here and I see that I have the power to change.
I have always held my own power but I wasn’t hurting enough to pull that virtue out, until I hit a wall and things became more clear to me. I have to start reaching for the confident, happy, funny, compassionate, bad ass girl that is the TRUE me. She is not far from the surface, in fact just typing those words make me feel exactly those things. I have to stop caring what other people think of me. I am not kidding when I say that lately I am hurt by the smallest thing – someone honking at me, or a rude store clerk. I’m done caring so much about what others think of me. I read this today and it completely hit home:
I can, and will, get over this pain. I’m stubborn and a fighter. Plus, there is no way out of this race called life unless I take charge of this. I have the energy and the motivation to do this. I am feeling strong in my life, and feeling strong going into my next marathon.
I will step up to the starting line of my next race fully knowing that the pain will come, and when it does I will be ready for it. I will compassionately acknowledge how difficult the burn is, and then I will ride the wave of discomfort knowing that it is temporary, that only my legs, mine alone, can reach the finish line. I will remind myself that I have stone cold strength, determination, and endurance. I will do this in my race and I will do this in my life. I have no goal in this marathon other than this, if I accomplish “riding the wave of pain” than I will be incredibly proud of myself. My goal is to accept that the hurt will come and go in my life, as sure as the waves in the ocean, but I am ready and perfectly capable of navigating through it. I can do this, so bring it on.
Here is another post about pain HERE, I have so much respect for her as runner, mother and writer… excellent blog.
What do you tell yourself when it hurts?