In light of the Sandy Hook massacre, I took some time off off from Social Media and the blog world.
Like many, it shook me to the core. I have three children the same age as the children that were murdered. Every day I drop them off at school, just as those parent did that Friday morning. The thought of what happened to those children and teachers and what the survivors are going through now is horrifying. Personally, Blogging and Social Media felt petty and insignificant in a time when so many were suffering. Time may heal all wounds, but this time I pray we begin to discuss the issue of mental illness in America instead of, once again, turning our eyes away and burying our heads.
One of the issues that came up for me personally during this tragedy, is that social media has enabled us to look the other way. We either “like” something or we don’t. If something is too painful to look at, we hide it from our feed. If we don’t like what someone has to say, we change our settings and make that person disappear from our feed. Where is the understanding that comes with seeing all sides? As Americans, I feel that often times we are so spoiled that we refuse to be uncomfortable. At the slightest sign of discomfort we immediately anesthetize ourselves with food, shopping, drugs, alcohol, and Social Media. Yes, I said it, Social Media! My opinion is that we escape our reality through social media. Just like food, everything in moderation is fine, but when it has consumed our lives we have a problem.
It’s become apparent that the more uncomfortable and empty your offline life feels, the more you turn to the computer to dull that pain. How do I know this is true? Because I’ve been there myself and still catch myself from meandering to the computer when I am attempting to check out from my stressful life. I blog not for profit but to be heard, to be seen, as if I’m invisible in my home life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am visible and my children and husband need me and deserve a Mom who is present and with them even when things don’t go as planned. Parenting can be difficult, demanding and very uncomfortable at times. One of the many things that running has taught me is to embrace discomfort. You will have runs that seem effortless and wonderful, but I assure you if you are working at being a faster runner there are many times when it hurts. You can not avoid that or turn your back on the vexatious workouts, it is what makes us improve and grow. Parenting is no different.
Overall, I think we need to check ourselves at the Social Media door every once in a while. I believe these platforms do so many great things and help us to connect and stay in touch, but we need to ask ourselves “Am I going overboard?” Do you really need to blog every day? Post every thought and deed on Twitter or Facebook? I am not saying cut yourself off but, rather, are you being present with your children, your husband, and the people that love and care for you? Is your life balanced and are you posting quality material? Blogging is fun and instantly rewarding but, in the end, it’s not the only thing that defines you. The people who care and love you need you more than cyberspace does. I would like to end with some tips I use for keeping online and offine lives balanced:
1. Blog or use Social Media platforms only while your children are in school or asleep.
2. Unless you are a food blogger, do not blog about everything you eat and drink… use Instagram, Twitter and Facebook to post what you are eating and, if you get a huge response, then consider posting the recipe.
3.I know many will disagree but, you don’t need to respond to every comment on your blog… it is very time consuming and if you write good material, people will come back to your site. I think the only time you need to respond is when someone new comments or it was a particullary meaningful remark. I certainly don’t expect this and I loyally comment on many blogs.
4. Take regular breaks from Social Media and blogging. You do not need to appoligize for taking breaks and your loyal readers will stick with you. As for the rest? They’re are in it for themselves and, well, don’t let the door hit ‘em in the ass when they stop reading.
5. Learn to embrace the discomforts of life and ride them out like a wave. When situations go array, catch yourself from getting on the computer or your phone. You may actually enjoy the outcome and I believe ultimately this will raise your self esteem in a healthy, productive way.
About Lisa
It’s definitely a balance for sure!!!! There is no way to stay on top of it all with working a full time job and having kids. I do admit, I blog at night while we’re winding down and the kids are okay with it and just cuddle with me anyway while I’m reading or writing.
Great post! And I wanted to say thank you for your super sweet comment the other day on my blog thanking me for being a teacher!
Boy the truth can be painful! I’m very guilty of using social media to tune out, reading facebook posts that piss me off and responding when I should just ignore or not look at db so often. I think you need to add “don’t use social media when your husband is around” – mine hates that I’m so attached to my computer or phone. And if I’m honest, am I really going to miss anything if I don’t check all my channels every day?!!
I was going to post my own reply to this but after reading yours, I felt like you hit the nail on the head and said exactly what I was going to! I’m one of the guilty ones of “escaping” into social media, and it seems so easy to do. Being aware that it’s a problem and we need to take a step back is really eye opening and puts some things in perspective, doesn’t it?
I think many people use SM to self sooth… I know I am one. I find myself gravitating towards SM when bored or stressed… it’s just like over eating! hahaha Perhaps we should start a support group… ONLINE … bawhaha!
Lisa, I think those are really important. I think it’s also important to know WHY you blog, and what your boundaries are. I write almost every day because I see it as a chance to get out some crazy, and, sometimes, to write about things that make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like I hide my ‘dark side’ less on the net than I do in conversation – and I love that my family and friends can see the crap stuff online. It’s all about remembering we’re human.
I digress! I’m so glad you know what your boundaries are, and I think these tips are really important. I’m ‘guilty’ of a few of them, but I know why I do it, and I’ve made a decision to, so long as it doesn’t interfere with real life
Kate, You bring up a good point, one that I thought about after the fact. There are some who blog for a living and others who blog for cathartic reasons. This post is coming from my own personal perspective…I hope I have made it come across this way. I also have children and many who blog do not, it changes things when the wee ones are relying on you. Boundaries and being true to yourself are the essence of blogging and life in general, yes? xoxo
Lisa, this was a really non-judgemental post! I love that it sparked such a great conversation. Your points came through really well, and it must make a huge difference to be blogging as a mother!
I am not one to stir things up and never want to offend people, but I felt like I needed to write this post. It is not easy to find the time and have the appropriate boundaries as a mother who blogs, but I hope that my children will look at my writing someday and see a part of me that they did not know… like “Mom had horrid spelling and gramar” haha! Mother’s are mysterious that way… I think we only see them as these people who care for and pick up after us… there is so much more that I hope they will discover in time.Thank you so much for your kind words.
LOVE this!! And while I miss the blog world sooooooooo much and can’t wait to get back into it, I need to just keep focused on pressing matters right now. I’ll work out a solid routine in due time:)
<3's &
xoox's
Miss you too and I am loyally waiting for your return! xoxo
um yes!! Yes~~ —> “As Americans, I feel that often times we are so spoiled that we refuse to be uncomfortable.” GUILTY!
I learned this in New Zealand. TIme away means FACE and real conversation.. But i also realized that God wants me to bold with my faith, through social media and all. you know?
thank YOU friend.
Your blog is like a nice bottle of wine, deep, rich and full of complexity, no boxed wine at your place! You inspire so many, myself included, to be true to themselves and believe! LU Lindsay xoxo
SOOO very true, Great tips!
Lisa–Such a good and timely post for all of us. It is very, very easy to get wrapped up in social media and you make good points. There are even studies that support the theory that the lonelier you are, the more you turn to FB. Anyhow, I am so with you in the idea that we not become complacent and slide back into our comfortable ways this time. There has to be change on many levels.
On a lighter note–happy holidays to you and yours!
Thank you Amanda… I need to research some of those studies, I find the “human nature” type of information fascinating. Happy Holidays to you and yours as well!
I love your balance ideas! There is so much out there in social media that we have to take a break!!!!
I love this post, Lisa. I’m late to commenting, having taken a bit of a blogging break myself (at least on the reading end of things). The tragedy definitely puts things in perspective. I’ve been wrestling with many of these same things that you listed in the tips… not responding to every comment, taking more breaks than I used to, stepping back from twitter, instagram and facebook. Especially this time of year! Thanks for this. I also love your point about avoiding discomfort and turning to the computer. We need to recognize that can be our “flight” response. Wise words, my friend. Have a beautiful holiday!
**Raising hand. Guilty.** I hate to say that I do fall into the SM trap sometimes. It takes me away from more important things in my life all the time. The horrible tragedy of Sandy Hook made me step away from all media and I rather enjoyed it. I struggle with finding the right balance daily. One of these days I hope to find it. Thank you for the reminder to be present for my kiddos every moment that I’m with them. You are one wise woman!!!
I totally and completely fall into the social media trap – to hide when things are uncomfortable in my real life, to anesthetize myself, etc. You’re so right that SM has made it easy to duck our heads into the sand and pretend that everything is all sunshine and rainbows. I’ve been taking a bit of a break from social media this past week to be with my family and friends and also because I’m tired. The obligation and the guilt can be a lot sometimes to keep up with (I was just thinking that I haven’t responded to comments in a week.) Thank you for this and your wonderful tips. Happy holidays to you my friend. xoxo
Yes, I’m definitely in the Too Much Social Media category. I am a pretty social person in real life too, so it doesn’t surprise me that I love social media. It’s a fantastic way to keep in touch with old and new friends. I am often surprised to learn that people who are extremely online social are not social in real life. Just find that interesting.
As for Americans refusing to be uncomfortable, I think we are forced to be more and more uncomfortable with the availability of information higher than it has ever been. I’m ok with people turning it off when they reach their limit. I monitor the information my children get, and I do the same with myself. I stopped watching some of the real-life murder shows because it was keeping me up at night feeling scared. Recognizing and respecting limits is important. That also applies to in-laws.:)
And I agree that there is no need to announce or apologize for taking a blog/social media break. I don’t need someone to tell me they are taking a Facebook break — just do it.